Yesterday’s Shame

Yesterday was a tough day for me, acknowledging to myself that as an adult there are things I just can’t cope with or do with out help.    A situation had arisen that had been slowly eating away at me for several weeks.   I tried to ignore it, tried to accept it and just quietly move on and get on with things.

As much as I wanted too, I couldn’t.    I’d reached that state where I was visibly shaking, had shortness of breathe and crying.   My emotional cup was well and truly full, overflowing even.

Then, I just came out and said it.  I told you what was upsetting me and the moment I did, I felt shame; that it had come to this point where I was simply unable to deal with this myself.  I needed your help, I needed you back in my life like it was before.   I’m so sorry that I’m too weak on my own to do this.

We talked at length, and slowly with each passing minute the shaking stopped, the tears dried up and my breathing became calm and regular again.   I felt as if I’d purged a malevolent spirit from my core, that was corrupting and souring everything I was doing of late.

In six days, I’ll be forty two and there are things I can’t do alone.

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2 thoughts on “Yesterday’s Shame

  1. I love the closing line, Chris. You’re days away from your birthday, and this experience (as emotional as it has been) is like a priceless gift that has added to your overall life learning and wisdom.
    Also, the realisation and acknowledgement that you can’t do everything alone is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary x

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