The Path of No Return

I have few friends and that others have more doesn’t worry me.  At several points in my past it was a great concern, wondering why I so unfriendable.

Something I’ve learned and come to appreciate is not the quantity of friends, it’s the quality. All my friends are dear to me and I care about them all. Some have a distance they wish to maintain, others are close and some closer still.

Some months ago I’d decided that with my closest friend I would share some of the secrets of my life. I believe we had reached a point of mutual trust and openness between us that the time had come. Deciding is one thing, going through with it was something else entirely. I took a while to finally commit. There were times of second guessing, seeing the worst possible outcomes and never for once entertaining the prospect of a positive result. Months have passed and I still hadn’t committed to my promise to myself to tell her, until two nights ago.

I’m sure there are some people who will think they know everything about their friends and nothing could change that. Everyone has secrets. Some can change your perception of someone so completely, that your friendship ends.

As is the case for myself. What I planned to share would either strengthen or destroy our friendship. I honestly didn’t see any middle ground. Writing that email was the most nerve-wracking two hours of my life. That was followed by the long wait. Had she received it, read it and not known what to say, was it still sitting unread, was our friendship at an end? The unknown was daunting.

I slept as best I could and eventually fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. Someone I know said that once something is said, its said. You can’t take it back, you can’t ask for them to forget.

This morning I had my reply which I can sum up with three words.

Love, support and acceptance.

A treasured and precious gift from my dear friend.

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