As I’ve grown up and older, forming bonds of differing strengths with people, I have learned that we all had very different childhoods. I thought for a long time that I was the only one “suffering” through the young years and hoping that in adult life things would change. Some talk openly and honestly about everything, some opt to covered up, conceal or just outright lie about things.
I remember to my youth when party invites were handed out in class for someones birthday party or some other event. I don’t know what went on at these as I was never invited. I’ve heard stories, seen movies and read about these types of things but not actually experienced them. Conversations with some people I’m close to shows that I wasn’t alone. Lots of people had pretty messed up childhoods and young adult years. Those experiences though, made us who we are. Some of us are pretty amazing, kind, gentle and altruistic.
Do I care. Honestly I don’t know. These events for were friends, not a category I fell into. It would have been nice to be invited to something, for just one person to reach out and want to do something where I was welcomed. Through the years of course there have been those shallow invites, social convention dictating etc. Go long enough without something, you don’t understand what you are missing.
More recently, from two separate people, both new in my social circle; they have invited me to do an activities with them. At first I was a little skeptical, was it yet again an elaborate plan to take advantage of me. As I got to know these people, I found that they were genuine and talking to me, or just being around for company was a nice thing for them. My guard came down and I could start to relax a bit. Being on mental alert is stressful.
It was nice to have someone be nice to me, an interaction where there was give and take. I’ve had my fill of those attachments where they are in it for themselves and just take and keep on taking, eventually discarding me and moving on.
Feels like I’ve finally turned a corner in my life, and things are looking brighter.